S.J. writes – I’m dating someone much older than I am. He’s really hot and I love him, but he gets crazy when I talk about other guys. He says he owns me and I belong to him.
Dear S.J.
Listen carefully because this might be one of those decisions that changes the course of your entire life. You can’t afford to make a mistake here.
Pick up your pocketbook, baby, pets, and anything else you absolutely must have, then walk calmly toward the door. Close it behind you and walk away. If there are other things you must have, take a large male friend with you to retrieve your belongings. Do not tell this man you are about to leave him. Call him later, preferably after you cross the state line. If this man has not yet physically abused you, he will. Don’t wait for it to happen.
Having a strong desire for power and control in relationships, belief in strict gender roles (e.g., male dominance and aggression in relationships), and perpetrating psychological aggression are some of the most important risk factors for Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). This man has engaged in all of these behaviors. You may not recognize his statements as aggressive, but by claiming ownership of you, he is attempting to assert psychological control. He may tell you that he’s jealous because he loves you so much. That’s the kind of jealousy that sends 1.5 million women to the emergency room each year. Most return to their abusers, choosing to believe his apologies and promises that “it will never happen again.”
One in three women will be assaulted by an intimate partner during her lifetime. Of those, almost 17,000 per year will die of her injuries. Don’t let yourself be one of them. Go Now.
Wren
Statistics Taken from the following sources:
Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States. 2003. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Centers for Injury Prevention and Control. Atlanta, GA.
Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004. 2006. Bureau of Justice Statistics.
Answer Wren 